Who Am I to be Brilliant?

Over the passed few years I have been thinking about my purpose on Earth. And because I believe purpose is tied with potential, I've also been trying to understand human potential--particularly mine. I've pondered on these issues from the time I was a teenager. Fortunately, they have both finally become very clear to me, and I've even been blessed to understand their relevance to my preexistence.

As I was showering today, I was listening to the song "I Got You," by Leona Lewis, and I was paying close attention to the lyrics. I begun seeing some parallels in the relationship described in the song to that of mine with God. Suddenly, the lyrics made me imagine, or remember if you will, the moment of my departure from the pre-Earth life. These were the lyrics, which I processed in the form of a conversation between God and me, and they are in the order my mind processed them:

God: "Go ahead and say goodbye."
Me: "Go ahead and make me cry."
God: "For better or worse, I got you."

As I was reliving this experience in my mind, for a brief moment, despite the promise from God that He would help in all circumstances, I couldn't help but feel the sadness of that day. I could feel the emptiness it provided me to think that I would not be able to literally see God anymore (during life on Earth,) that we couldn't hug, and just be in His literal presence. So as I thought about that, my teenage years here on Earth and my recent month flashed before my eyes also.

I was introduced to the gospel of Jesus Christ at the age of 17. Missionaries taught me that we are created in Gods image and that we are here on Earth to become more like Him, that we are to become fully developed creations, and that one day we will return to live with Him as such. I was, as I still am, so thankful that they taught me what my spiritual potential and purpose is, and how to reach it. But the word "fully" stuck in my mind and it has not left over the years.

In my opinion, a full progress is not limited to that of our spirit. It means we are to meet our purpose and potential intellectually, socially and physically. Consequently, I realize that I was not born to be mediocre in any sense. None of us are. So, being that I was already put on the right path to strive to meet my spiritual potential, it has since been my duty and my desire to figure out how, and in what mean I will meet my measure in all the other areas.

One morning, like many, many before it, as I opened my eyes from my sleep I immediately asked in ponder and in prayer, "Should I really go for what I truly have a passion for?" I really wanted the answer to be yes--after all, it was my passion in life; and it seemed like the perfect area to meet my potential in all senses. Anyway, I can't say I expected an answer that very moment. I mean, I was getting used to the awkward silence from all the previous times I had asked. But this time the outcome was different. I heard a very clear, determined voice within me say, "Go get it!"

A part of me was so relieved and excited to finally have an answer, but the other was doubtful. I had received the answer in such an unexpected, ironically abrupt way, that I didn't quite know what to do with it. So confused about my experience, over the next few days I asked for an answer to my answer. In retrospect, I realize how foolish I was to do so, but due to my lack of experience with such clear, literal answers to prayer, it was the only way I could react. Anyway, I continued asking as the days passed, and Sunday came. That Sunday will forever be known as the one unlike any others.

As I got ready for church, I was a bit nervous. My branch president had told me a member of our Stake Presidency would meet with me about the possibility of receiving a church calling, so I wanted to make the best of it. I walked to church, and once there I had to wait all three hours to speak with him. When we finally met, we briefly discussed our names--his I have yet to remember since I am horrible with names--and where we are from, but then he abruptly interrupted our conversation. "Brother Márquez, I HAVE to share a story with you about my mission that occurred nearly 40 years ago. It's about a time when I heard a voice within." Whoa! I knew right then and there that I needed to play very close attention, as this was the answer to the answer that I was seeking.

He said that he and his companion were both riding their bikes slowly down a street in Bolivia, when suddenly he heard a voice within tell him, "In this particular spot, there will one day be a temple." Shocked at what he had heard, he stopped his bike and took a moment to make sense of it. Thinking his companion might of gotten ahead of him, he turned up to call him, but then realized the companion had also stopped at just a few steps of distanced, and that he looked just as stunned. The brother talking to me said he asked his companion what was going on, to which the companion replied, "I just heard a voice within me tell me that there will one day be a temple in this particular spot." So the brother speaking to me told his companion then that they both had heard the same voice say the same thing. And then the stake representative looked me in the eyes and said, "Twenty years later, Brother Márquez, Bolivia received it's first temple in 'THAT particular spot.'" He continued looking me in the eyes and said, "NEVER doubt the voice within, brother Márquez."

To say that my spirit and entire being was shook is to say the least. I was moved to tears and could not get a hold of myself. The Spirit was telling me in another, yet similar literal voice to "Go get it!" It was as if I heard the voice again and again say with a resounding voice, "Go get it!" The Spirit's style of conviction had never been so clear to me. It took me hearing it over and over to realize that it has the same conviction every time it speaks, even the first time. But I was willing to full heartedly follow it from then on--and from the first time it speaks to me. The seeds of clarity, determination, and yes, conviction, were planted in me, and I could immediately feel them starting to grow. I also realized that the reason I wanted an 'answer about the answer' was because I feared the challenges and difficulties of chasing my dreams and accomplishing my potential.

The brother then told me, "Brother Márquez, I feel like I need to tell you another brief story--I'm sorry, I'm just feeling I need to tell you." So he went on to tell me about a time in his life when he wanted to be a truck insurance salesman, but didn't have the financial means to do so. He said he decided to wait it out and just get another job that was more financially secure and stable. But, he soon had a dream in which he saw a man with specific clothes and facial characteristics. Days after, he went to an interview for a truck salesman position, and the interviewer was wearing the same clothes and had the same facial characteristics. Well, the interview went really well. He told me, "As I was driving home from the interview, I heard the Spirit tell me, 'The hand of the Lord is extended, He will provide."' The brother then looked at me in the eyes again, just as sincerely, and said, "Brother Márquez, the hand of the Lord is extended, He will provide.'" I... was... floored!

I am memorized by God's tender mercy for me. He used a kind, spiritually receptive brother to bless me with much needed clarity. I could not contain the tears again because I could clearly feel this brother's and God's love for me. The brother became a bit worried about my tears and kindly asked, "Can I do anything for you, Brother Márquez? Are you doing okay?" I replied, "I have never been better." I briefly explained to this brother that I had been contemplating a few decisions about my life that would require it to make a complete 180, pending answers to my prayers. And, that thanks to our conversation, I now knew the path that I should take; that I am apt for it, or could be with hard work, and that I simply needed to "Go get it."
I apologized for not being able to go into full detail yet about what "it" was, but promised that one day he would see.

Sometimes it is just not the moment to say things, though there is nothing to hide. There are some things that we must keep between God and ourself. At least until the right moment comes, if it does. But even without all the details, a person and or a moment can completely change our lives for the better.

With a voice of relief the brother said to me, "I just knew it was the Spirit strongly telling me to share those things with you that I simply couldn't not say them. I want to end our conversation by making one last point. I realize it will not be easy to 'Go Get'... whatever it is, but make sure you have the strength to get back up when you fall and scrape your knees on your way there. You will need to keep fighting. Keep fighting!" So he looked me in eyes one last time, and this time without words said, "If you keep fighting, I KNOW you will accomplish it!" It was one of those inexplicable moments when two people understand each other without words. So all I could reply was, "Brother, you have told me EVERYTHING I needed to hear. Thank you." We shook hands and gave each other a hug of appreciation and gratitude, and both went our way.

Going back to my experience today when I was allowed a brief insight on my departure from the previous life---after feeling the sadness I also realized that I was sent away but equipped with all I need--especially when I listen--to ACCOMPLISH my purpose and potential. AND I WILL! We are given these types of spiritual, impacting insights not to just have something to talk about, but to find the direction and drive to accomplish what we will. And I will not waste the blessing.

I will "Go get it!" I could hear the words again as God must have said them so sincerely to me some 25 years ago, "I got you. For better or worse, I got you." There was really nothing to be scared of or to fear but myself. None of us have anything to fear but ourselves. And the reason we often don't know what our purpose and potential is, or accomplish it, is because we fear success, not failure. I would like to end with some wise words from Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”