There is one problem when you're perceived as "funny": you often wonder if they are laughing with you or AT you. "Are they laughing because what I said or did was funny, or are they laughing AT me?" This especially happens when you didn't even realize you were being funny until after people around you start laughing. I mean you weren't even trying and yet laughter was the result. It's really kind of an awkward, confusing and, surprisingly, still somewhat of a pleasant moment to be caught in.
I'm not saying everyone finds me funny, or much less that I believe I am, but some people have told me that I'm funny. And then a few don't even have to say it, they're laughter gives it away. And those in particular are the ones that cause my confusion about the matter. There are a few of them in my life, who just smile and laugh the minute we see each other. That worries me.
How is it that I'm not even trying to make them laugh, and the second they see me they laugh? Come on, that seems a tad cruel. Am I that ugly? Or is it my hair? Or my weight? Or is it that disgustingly huge pimple I have on my mustache area? (Unfortunately, I really do have a huge pimple today, I'm not trying to be funny.)
Today, for example, I went to play volleyball and saw a person I recently became friends with. The second he saw me he smiled and laughed. So I was thrown off by that, and I honestly didn't know how to react. Um... okay, I'm beginning to realize it was the pimple. No, but in all seriousness, this is not the first time he laughs, it has happened a few times before the pimple. Anyway, I didn't want to be rude and say, "what the heck are you laughing at?" But I really wondered. I ended up just telling myself, "He's just being polite and doing what normal people should do when seeing someone, say hi and smile."
As I think about this, I am reminded of two specific people with whom I too am "polite" and "say hi and smile." In an effort to know if I am making a fool of myself to cause the laughter, I have asked myself why THEY make ME laugh. My laughter is not based on malice or condescension upon them. I don't find them to be fools, ugly, fat or anything like that. One has acne sometimes and the other doesn't, so acne is not the cause either. They just naturally seem like happy, unpretentious people; and so I find that refreshing and joy inspiring---at (often) times funny.
Now, I am sure those are not the same reasons a few of my friends find me humorous. But, honestly, does it really matter why someone finds us funny? As long as we're not intentionally hurting anyone in the process, it can't be that bad. A smile is a good thing, and a smile with laughter behind it is even better.
May we all be a little less self-conscious and less afraid to be who we are. If that happens to be "funny" in the eyes of another, then perhaps we have the opportunity to be a little blessing called "joy" in their lives. "Funny" is one of those simple pleasures of life. And the blessing to us, the people being laughed with or at? If you can make someone laugh, you can make a friend.
Just real quick, don't TRY to be funny. Nothing more annoying.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Self Worth and Self Respect
(Because I wish this story to apply to both males and females, this will be a story about "Person.")
There once was a Person who felt unlike any other... until God taught Person a very important life lesson. Person was tired of responsibility, of having to be socially fit, and of living life as others seemed to define. So because it seemed perfect to solve the problem, Person decided to go on a trip to Utopialand.
In Utopialand, people are not judge mental, persons could be persons, not Others, and there are no "definitions." It is the land people like Person can go to to take a brake from "Life." So person determined to go there for a few days.
However, "Life" seemed to be against this trip. Before the trip even started, things began going badly. Person got sick and ended up in the emergency room. But, because Person was a hard headed person--wait, no, Person calls it "Determined"--after receiving medicine and taking a couple days of rest, Person embarked on the trip to Utopialand anyway. Halfway to Utopialand, however, Person's car broke.
The car broke A Few Miles Away from the nearest town. And, in A Few Miles Away, it was dark and it was somewhat chilly, especially at 2 am, when Person's car broke. Now, because Person was alone and too far from "Life," Person had to walk to the nearest town and hire a tow truck to take the car to the nearest hotel. It only cost Person 150 dollars... plus another 55 for the hotel room. After 20 minutes of sleep, Person awoke to face a grueling 17 hours of walking in this strange town to find tools, an alternator and a battery to fix the car, and mechanic work.
Person's only true help was Person's Family, which, though far, far away in "Back Home," still sent Person money for expenses and helped by being as supportive as possible.
Finally, at about 8 pm, Person fixed the car! But Person now was too tired to continue on to Utopialand. Besides, practically two days that would have been spent there were spent on fixing the car and loosing sleep and money because of it. So, Person had no choice but to return to Life.
Life was a place that had never seemed so attractive before. After so much crap that Person had been through, Life didn't seem so bad after all--in fact, it felt like a relief! But Person couldn't help wondering why God would allow so many trials; why life was so difficult and packed with challenges all of a sudden. And, to make matters worse, on top of all that Person had lost two friends and come close to losing two others that same week. So with Family being Back Home and a sudden reduction in friends, person was not only confused and tired, but very alone. Alone made it all feel so much worse.
After wondering and wondering, Person understood one thing: Person was missing Self Worth and Self Respect in life. Self Worth and Self Respect are not a place, not another's definition, not a social norm to fit in, not another's form of judgement nor the lack of. They are not what "Uniques" lack and Socialites abound in. And most importantly, the lack of Self Worth and Self Respect is not the meaning of "Unlike any other"--or at least it shouldn't be.
All those challenges were to help Person understand that the place Person really needed to travel to was the place of Self Worth and Self Respect, not Utopialand. Perhaps Person will forever feel "Unique," "Different," "Unlike any others," but Person still considers this trip one of the best trips ever. It was full of sickness, fatigue, feelings of inadequecy, mechanical difficulties, and loneliness. But it was well worth it because Person learned that being different is no excuse for having a lack of Self Worth and Self Respect. Person is now on the journey of Self Worth and Self Respect.
There once was a Person who felt unlike any other... until God taught Person a very important life lesson. Person was tired of responsibility, of having to be socially fit, and of living life as others seemed to define. So because it seemed perfect to solve the problem, Person decided to go on a trip to Utopialand.
In Utopialand, people are not judge mental, persons could be persons, not Others, and there are no "definitions." It is the land people like Person can go to to take a brake from "Life." So person determined to go there for a few days.
However, "Life" seemed to be against this trip. Before the trip even started, things began going badly. Person got sick and ended up in the emergency room. But, because Person was a hard headed person--wait, no, Person calls it "Determined"--after receiving medicine and taking a couple days of rest, Person embarked on the trip to Utopialand anyway. Halfway to Utopialand, however, Person's car broke.
The car broke A Few Miles Away from the nearest town. And, in A Few Miles Away, it was dark and it was somewhat chilly, especially at 2 am, when Person's car broke. Now, because Person was alone and too far from "Life," Person had to walk to the nearest town and hire a tow truck to take the car to the nearest hotel. It only cost Person 150 dollars... plus another 55 for the hotel room. After 20 minutes of sleep, Person awoke to face a grueling 17 hours of walking in this strange town to find tools, an alternator and a battery to fix the car, and mechanic work.
Person's only true help was Person's Family, which, though far, far away in "Back Home," still sent Person money for expenses and helped by being as supportive as possible.
Finally, at about 8 pm, Person fixed the car! But Person now was too tired to continue on to Utopialand. Besides, practically two days that would have been spent there were spent on fixing the car and loosing sleep and money because of it. So, Person had no choice but to return to Life.
Life was a place that had never seemed so attractive before. After so much crap that Person had been through, Life didn't seem so bad after all--in fact, it felt like a relief! But Person couldn't help wondering why God would allow so many trials; why life was so difficult and packed with challenges all of a sudden. And, to make matters worse, on top of all that Person had lost two friends and come close to losing two others that same week. So with Family being Back Home and a sudden reduction in friends, person was not only confused and tired, but very alone. Alone made it all feel so much worse.
After wondering and wondering, Person understood one thing: Person was missing Self Worth and Self Respect in life. Self Worth and Self Respect are not a place, not another's definition, not a social norm to fit in, not another's form of judgement nor the lack of. They are not what "Uniques" lack and Socialites abound in. And most importantly, the lack of Self Worth and Self Respect is not the meaning of "Unlike any other"--or at least it shouldn't be.
All those challenges were to help Person understand that the place Person really needed to travel to was the place of Self Worth and Self Respect, not Utopialand. Perhaps Person will forever feel "Unique," "Different," "Unlike any others," but Person still considers this trip one of the best trips ever. It was full of sickness, fatigue, feelings of inadequecy, mechanical difficulties, and loneliness. But it was well worth it because Person learned that being different is no excuse for having a lack of Self Worth and Self Respect. Person is now on the journey of Self Worth and Self Respect.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
"Unwritten"
"Unwritten," by Natasha Bedingfield perfectly describes my outlook on life. Particularly in two parts: where she explains that "No else can feel it for you, only you can let it in." To me, I see "it" being joy... life. Personal joy is not borrowed, it is not observed, it is not faked, and it is not dependent on the approval or disaproval of others; it is personal, individual, and within... and "only you can let it in." This leads me to the second one, where she says, "No one else can speak the words on your lips." I and only I know my truth, no one else. I don't need the approval of others to "Let [joy] in." I encourage you all to do the same! Let it in!
"Unwritten"
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition
Sometimes my tries are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, yeah, yeah
P.S. I would highly recommend "youtubing" the song, it might help you feel the message better and you might even like the beat. :)
"Unwritten"
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition
Sometimes my tries are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, yeah, yeah
P.S. I would highly recommend "youtubing" the song, it might help you feel the message better and you might even like the beat. :)
Friday, May 7, 2010
A Mother's Prayer
Several months ago I rented a room to someone. I am basically the manager of the house I live in, so I am responsible for finding renters for the rooms. As one roommate left, another was to be found, so I posted an ad online about it. A guy, whom we will call Jesse for privacy reasons, contacted me about it. He said he was very interested in seeing the room and meeting. I figured this was part of the process as with any other candidate, but what was to come would be far from common and expected.
Jesse came as planned. I showed him the room and the rest of the house, and he seemed very interested. But I couldn't help noticing that he also seemed very nervous. After showing the place to him, we sat in the living room and talked for a few minutes. I do this with every candidate because it helps establish the house expectations and at the same time helps me get a feel for their personality to see if they will be a "fit" for the house. After talking for a while, Jesse said he was very interested and would take the room if I let him, but that he needed to be completely honest with me and say some things before I decided. I felt confused about that, so I just sat back and let him explain.
After taking a deep breath, Jesse said, "This is very embarrassing to say, but it is only fair for me to be honest with you---I am a convicted felon, and I just got out of prison less than two months ago. I was released on parole. Like I say, I am really interested in the room because I want to move to Utah to get an education and change my life, but I really need to be completely honest with you." Needless to say, I was taken back by his words. Its not everyday one meets a person in such a situation, let alone one who is asking to be one's roommate. But at the same time, I felt glad that Jesse was being so open and honest with me. I knew it couldn't possibly be easy for him to speak about those things since I was a complete stranger to him. And, surprisingly, something just made me feel comfortable with him, despite what he was saying.
I knew, however, that I still had a moral responsibility to the other roommates and our neighbors--and their children especially. So, though I knew it would not only make Jesse even more uncomfortable but also put me in an uncomfortable position too, I had to ask if he would mind telling me why he was sentenced to prison. Fortunately, he said he did not mind telling me the reason, and so he responded openly. Naturally, he seemed a little shy, ashamed if you will, but he gave me the information I needed. He explained the reason and the sentence. He was sentenced to five years in prison, four of which he served IN prison, and the last, due to good behavior, he was allowed to serve on parole.
I was trying really hard to observe his behavior and, most of all, his sincerity. After his explanation, I made a silent prayer asking God if the comfortable feelings I was getting about Jesse were correct and if it was the right decision to rent the room to him. And the answer was in Jesse's favor. So after a small moment of silence--which I'm sure to Jesse seemed like an eternity--I said, "Well, I have no right to judge you for what you did in the past--[after all, a judge already did that and his sentence has for the most part made him pay the consequences]--or even who you were before, I only care about who your are now. And I feel like you are trying to be a different person and become a better one, so I think I feel fine renting the room to you." Jesse looked me in the eyes with a look of relief and restored hope, and said "Thank you!" Then he let out a breath of air that also expressed relief and hope in him. VERY few thank you's have said so much to me before; it felt so powerful and sincere to me.
So Jesse moved in. After some time passed, Jesse's mom and dad came to visit him. As they were leaving, I got a chance to meet them and talk for a bit. The mom kept seeing me in the eyes with such kindness and seemed eager to say something. And after a while, she said she had something she "had been wanting to tell me." Her husband went silent as if to allow her to say something extremely important. So I did too. While there was a brief silence from all of us, I noticed tears falling from her eyes. Jesse's mom then said, "I want to tell you how thankful I am to you for believing in my son, for helping him. We had been looking for a place for him to live in, but many people turned him down once they knew his story. I know he is a great man, but after he went to prison, it seemed I was the only one who saw that." And right then, Jesse's mom's love reminded me of the love my own mom offered me and my brothers when she was alive.
Jesse's mom continued, "I had been praying to the Lord constantly, asking Him to help us find a good place for my son. And, after much searching, you were put in our path. So thank you, Juan. I really appreciate you, and I really mean it." More tears were flowing from her eyes as she was telling me that. It was a really emotional moment for both of us, and I couldn't help but let a few tears go myself. But my tears came out of knowing her joy for her son, and also out of remembering my own mothers love for her children. After we both cried for a bit, I told Jesse's mom that I wanted to share something with her.
I started, "My mother got diabetes when she was pregnant with me, but it did not go away after the pregnancy. She fought it for over 20 years, my whole life, until it took her life at the age of 47. But what I've always remembered my mother for is that she never gave up; not on her own life...not on her sons. Well one of those sons, my oldest brother, is a drug addict who has been to jail many times. And like you, ma'am, my mom often seemed like the only one to know the 'great man he really is.' The night before my mom passed away, my brother was in jail, but she was able to have a conversation with him over the phone. I remember being impressed--almost frustrated, actually--at how encouraging and loving my mom was to him. There she was extremely sick, needing him with her more than ever, and he was in jail. In jail like many times before and addicted to drugs still after many years. I remember seeing my mom with tears in her eyes several days, the day of that phone call included, as she lamented that no one, not even he himself, saw that he could change. I also remember my mom always praying for him. She would plead upon God to let him have a second chance at life to become the man she knew he really was. But, sadly, she did not see that happen. After the day my mom spoke with him over the phone while he was in jail, less than 24 hours later she died."
I continued explaining, "I've asked myself many times why my mom never saw her prayers answered. I've wondered if I will not see them answered either. Our mom being physically gone now seems to have made my brother even more depressed and careless about his life. He feels alone and like he has no reason to fight and no one to impress. His worsening had made me very worried for him, and in fact almost loose hope." By now, I was getting very choked up again. There was a feeling of mutual understanding in the room and we were all feeling the Spirit. So I was able to finish telling her what I wanted to say, "But, despite those moments when I have thought about loosing all hope, I have come to the conclusion today, ma'am, thanks to your words, that my brother IS going to improve, for God would not leave a mother's prayer unanswered"
May we all have the certainty that our actions towards our fellow men may be the means by which God answers a mother's prayer.
Jesse came as planned. I showed him the room and the rest of the house, and he seemed very interested. But I couldn't help noticing that he also seemed very nervous. After showing the place to him, we sat in the living room and talked for a few minutes. I do this with every candidate because it helps establish the house expectations and at the same time helps me get a feel for their personality to see if they will be a "fit" for the house. After talking for a while, Jesse said he was very interested and would take the room if I let him, but that he needed to be completely honest with me and say some things before I decided. I felt confused about that, so I just sat back and let him explain.
After taking a deep breath, Jesse said, "This is very embarrassing to say, but it is only fair for me to be honest with you---I am a convicted felon, and I just got out of prison less than two months ago. I was released on parole. Like I say, I am really interested in the room because I want to move to Utah to get an education and change my life, but I really need to be completely honest with you." Needless to say, I was taken back by his words. Its not everyday one meets a person in such a situation, let alone one who is asking to be one's roommate. But at the same time, I felt glad that Jesse was being so open and honest with me. I knew it couldn't possibly be easy for him to speak about those things since I was a complete stranger to him. And, surprisingly, something just made me feel comfortable with him, despite what he was saying.
I knew, however, that I still had a moral responsibility to the other roommates and our neighbors--and their children especially. So, though I knew it would not only make Jesse even more uncomfortable but also put me in an uncomfortable position too, I had to ask if he would mind telling me why he was sentenced to prison. Fortunately, he said he did not mind telling me the reason, and so he responded openly. Naturally, he seemed a little shy, ashamed if you will, but he gave me the information I needed. He explained the reason and the sentence. He was sentenced to five years in prison, four of which he served IN prison, and the last, due to good behavior, he was allowed to serve on parole.
I was trying really hard to observe his behavior and, most of all, his sincerity. After his explanation, I made a silent prayer asking God if the comfortable feelings I was getting about Jesse were correct and if it was the right decision to rent the room to him. And the answer was in Jesse's favor. So after a small moment of silence--which I'm sure to Jesse seemed like an eternity--I said, "Well, I have no right to judge you for what you did in the past--[after all, a judge already did that and his sentence has for the most part made him pay the consequences]--or even who you were before, I only care about who your are now. And I feel like you are trying to be a different person and become a better one, so I think I feel fine renting the room to you." Jesse looked me in the eyes with a look of relief and restored hope, and said "Thank you!" Then he let out a breath of air that also expressed relief and hope in him. VERY few thank you's have said so much to me before; it felt so powerful and sincere to me.
So Jesse moved in. After some time passed, Jesse's mom and dad came to visit him. As they were leaving, I got a chance to meet them and talk for a bit. The mom kept seeing me in the eyes with such kindness and seemed eager to say something. And after a while, she said she had something she "had been wanting to tell me." Her husband went silent as if to allow her to say something extremely important. So I did too. While there was a brief silence from all of us, I noticed tears falling from her eyes. Jesse's mom then said, "I want to tell you how thankful I am to you for believing in my son, for helping him. We had been looking for a place for him to live in, but many people turned him down once they knew his story. I know he is a great man, but after he went to prison, it seemed I was the only one who saw that." And right then, Jesse's mom's love reminded me of the love my own mom offered me and my brothers when she was alive.
Jesse's mom continued, "I had been praying to the Lord constantly, asking Him to help us find a good place for my son. And, after much searching, you were put in our path. So thank you, Juan. I really appreciate you, and I really mean it." More tears were flowing from her eyes as she was telling me that. It was a really emotional moment for both of us, and I couldn't help but let a few tears go myself. But my tears came out of knowing her joy for her son, and also out of remembering my own mothers love for her children. After we both cried for a bit, I told Jesse's mom that I wanted to share something with her.
I started, "My mother got diabetes when she was pregnant with me, but it did not go away after the pregnancy. She fought it for over 20 years, my whole life, until it took her life at the age of 47. But what I've always remembered my mother for is that she never gave up; not on her own life...not on her sons. Well one of those sons, my oldest brother, is a drug addict who has been to jail many times. And like you, ma'am, my mom often seemed like the only one to know the 'great man he really is.' The night before my mom passed away, my brother was in jail, but she was able to have a conversation with him over the phone. I remember being impressed--almost frustrated, actually--at how encouraging and loving my mom was to him. There she was extremely sick, needing him with her more than ever, and he was in jail. In jail like many times before and addicted to drugs still after many years. I remember seeing my mom with tears in her eyes several days, the day of that phone call included, as she lamented that no one, not even he himself, saw that he could change. I also remember my mom always praying for him. She would plead upon God to let him have a second chance at life to become the man she knew he really was. But, sadly, she did not see that happen. After the day my mom spoke with him over the phone while he was in jail, less than 24 hours later she died."
I continued explaining, "I've asked myself many times why my mom never saw her prayers answered. I've wondered if I will not see them answered either. Our mom being physically gone now seems to have made my brother even more depressed and careless about his life. He feels alone and like he has no reason to fight and no one to impress. His worsening had made me very worried for him, and in fact almost loose hope." By now, I was getting very choked up again. There was a feeling of mutual understanding in the room and we were all feeling the Spirit. So I was able to finish telling her what I wanted to say, "But, despite those moments when I have thought about loosing all hope, I have come to the conclusion today, ma'am, thanks to your words, that my brother IS going to improve, for God would not leave a mother's prayer unanswered"
May we all have the certainty that our actions towards our fellow men may be the means by which God answers a mother's prayer.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Dreams
Today, as I was logging in to read my emails, I saw a note on the homepage that said "Optimize Your Naps for Faster Learning." After reading the article (which was actually titled "Can You Force Yourself To Dream?") I was reminded of the serious importance dreams have had in my life and that, therefore, I need to start taking them seriously again.
Before I even knew I would serve a two year religious mission, I had a few dreams that were very memorable, but which I originally failed to appropriately cherish. One of them was of me walking up a hill in a town that I had never been in. On the opposite side of the street was a blue building with slanted roofs under which many kids were playing. There seemed to be a swimming pool there, (but somehow I knew it was a pool only during the time of the dream.) In another dream, I was sitting in a very humble home staring directly at the wall above a doorway thinking about the deep impact this home was having on my life. I didn't know then why it was having such an impact on me, but I was just taking it all in, simply feeling grateful to be there.
In 2005, I made my landing in Costa Rica as a missionary. About six months later, I was sent to serve in an area known to the mission as "Vizcaya." And, more surprising than anything has ever been in my life, in Vizcaya was that hill and building I had dreamed of over an entire year before. The hill was one I had to walk often in an attempt to find the people I sought to reach with Christ's gospel on a daily basis. But I recognized it the very first time I saw it. The building on the opposite side of the street was actually a school, but it was in fact blue and did have the slanted roofs under which many kids were playing. Seeing this, and being able to remember so vividly as if I had seen it only the day before, I knew I had made it to the area God intended me for; it was great to be sure beyond a doubt of my whereabouts and that God truly is the omniscient man. But I also knew this meant that I had a great work ahead of me, so I worked very hard for the next few months.
One day, after walking all over the place and making an effort to talk to everyone we could, my companion and I met a young man named Eduardo. Eduardo was a humble guy who had to do any and all odd jobs that came up, from selling movies, to cleaning peoples properties, to just about anything that came up. He had to, otherwise his aging mom and handicap sister would have nothing to eat or a place to live. And, for one reason or another, thee was not father in the home. After meeting him and feeling his humility and receptiveness, we asked if we could go by his house and teach him our message about Christ's gospel, and he willingly said yes.
Eduardo told us his house was up an extremely steep hill, so he asked us to meet and teach him at the church for "convenience," as he said. So we did. And over the next few weeks of teaching Eduardo, we begun seeing a change in his countenance and even saw him radiate more joy. He was extremely punctual to our lessons and always fulfilled his reading and church attendance assignments. I was so happy to see his progress, but then one day I got a call from my mission President telling me that I was being transferred to another area. It was a sad day for me because I knew I would no longer be able to personally witness Eduardo's progress. So I planned to go and say goodbye to him and encourage him to continue learning and progressing. This time, however, we agreed to meet him at his house.
After walking up that extremely steep and tiresome hill, Eduardo was waiting for us as we had planned. When I finally caught my breath, I told him I had been called to go serve in another area and that I had asked to meet him at his house because I was there to say goodbye. Eduardo replied, "I thought they might ask you to leave, I had a feeling. Come in, I want to make sure and tell you something before you leave as I realize I may never have another chance to do so." It was actually our first time coming into his house, despite the length of time, weeks, that we had been teaching him for already.
Once inside, and after talking a few minutes about the order of the mission and about his progress, he said, in Spanish, "Elder Márquez, quiero agradecerles con todo mi corazón a usted y a su compañero por haberme encontrado. Y más por haberme enseñado el evangelio de Jesucristo." I thought to myself, "Well, that's really nice," and just said to him, "Ah, pues, ha sido nuestro placer, Eduardo. Gracias a USTED por PERMITIRNOS enseñarle." (It wasn't easy to convince people to let us teach them.) Then he replied,
"Pero, no, élderes, de verdad quiero agradecerles lo que han hecho por mi, porque hay algo que ustedes no sabían, al menos que yo no les he contado. El día en que me encontraron, yo le había dicho a Dios que si no me enviaba una señal de que yo era especial para Él y de que mi vida aún tenía esperanza, yo hiba a cometer suicidio. Estaba cansado de vivir, y mis responsabilidades para con mi mamá y mi hermana perecían demasiado pesadas para mí que pensaba que ya no tenía fuerzas para seguir luchando. Y pensaba que Dios no me amaba. Pero ustedes, élderes, literalmente fueron el rescate y la respuesta que Dios me envió para salvar mi vida y hacerme saber que Él sí me ama. A partir de ese día, cambié mi decisión de tomar mi vida, y ahora siento esperanza por el futuro de nuevo".
Cuando Eduardo me dijo eso, mis lagrimas calleron de mis ojos, como lo están callendo hoy. As Eduardo continued explaining such profound words to my companion and I, I looked up behind him, as to look up to Heavenly Father (or to the sky, so to speak) to thank Him for saving this man's life. But just before I turned my sight completely upward, I realized that the wall directly above where Eduardo was sitting was the wall I had dreamed. His chair was just on the side of the doorway, and the wall above him was precisely the one I dreamed over a year before. I was completely mesmerized! Every last detail was just as my dream had shown me before I even knew the town of Vizcaya--or Eduardo--existed. As a result, I knew then why the house had such a profound impact on my life: it was the place where I saw the life of two men impacted to the point where they decided to continue living with faith and determined strength-- Eduardo's and mine. So, after collecting my thoughts, I still looked upwards, and with even more intent, I said silently, "Wow! And thank you, God!"
Our dreams can and ofter are extremely serious! They can indeed be life changing to us and to those around us. So from now on, my negligence towards my significant dreams will stop, and I will put in my part of the work, often hard work, to make them come true. Because when God speaks, He shall not be ignored. After all, a dream is only a dream unless our actions help make it a reality.
Before I even knew I would serve a two year religious mission, I had a few dreams that were very memorable, but which I originally failed to appropriately cherish. One of them was of me walking up a hill in a town that I had never been in. On the opposite side of the street was a blue building with slanted roofs under which many kids were playing. There seemed to be a swimming pool there, (but somehow I knew it was a pool only during the time of the dream.) In another dream, I was sitting in a very humble home staring directly at the wall above a doorway thinking about the deep impact this home was having on my life. I didn't know then why it was having such an impact on me, but I was just taking it all in, simply feeling grateful to be there.
In 2005, I made my landing in Costa Rica as a missionary. About six months later, I was sent to serve in an area known to the mission as "Vizcaya." And, more surprising than anything has ever been in my life, in Vizcaya was that hill and building I had dreamed of over an entire year before. The hill was one I had to walk often in an attempt to find the people I sought to reach with Christ's gospel on a daily basis. But I recognized it the very first time I saw it. The building on the opposite side of the street was actually a school, but it was in fact blue and did have the slanted roofs under which many kids were playing. Seeing this, and being able to remember so vividly as if I had seen it only the day before, I knew I had made it to the area God intended me for; it was great to be sure beyond a doubt of my whereabouts and that God truly is the omniscient man. But I also knew this meant that I had a great work ahead of me, so I worked very hard for the next few months.
One day, after walking all over the place and making an effort to talk to everyone we could, my companion and I met a young man named Eduardo. Eduardo was a humble guy who had to do any and all odd jobs that came up, from selling movies, to cleaning peoples properties, to just about anything that came up. He had to, otherwise his aging mom and handicap sister would have nothing to eat or a place to live. And, for one reason or another, thee was not father in the home. After meeting him and feeling his humility and receptiveness, we asked if we could go by his house and teach him our message about Christ's gospel, and he willingly said yes.
Eduardo told us his house was up an extremely steep hill, so he asked us to meet and teach him at the church for "convenience," as he said. So we did. And over the next few weeks of teaching Eduardo, we begun seeing a change in his countenance and even saw him radiate more joy. He was extremely punctual to our lessons and always fulfilled his reading and church attendance assignments. I was so happy to see his progress, but then one day I got a call from my mission President telling me that I was being transferred to another area. It was a sad day for me because I knew I would no longer be able to personally witness Eduardo's progress. So I planned to go and say goodbye to him and encourage him to continue learning and progressing. This time, however, we agreed to meet him at his house.
After walking up that extremely steep and tiresome hill, Eduardo was waiting for us as we had planned. When I finally caught my breath, I told him I had been called to go serve in another area and that I had asked to meet him at his house because I was there to say goodbye. Eduardo replied, "I thought they might ask you to leave, I had a feeling. Come in, I want to make sure and tell you something before you leave as I realize I may never have another chance to do so." It was actually our first time coming into his house, despite the length of time, weeks, that we had been teaching him for already.
Once inside, and after talking a few minutes about the order of the mission and about his progress, he said, in Spanish, "Elder Márquez, quiero agradecerles con todo mi corazón a usted y a su compañero por haberme encontrado. Y más por haberme enseñado el evangelio de Jesucristo." I thought to myself, "Well, that's really nice," and just said to him, "Ah, pues, ha sido nuestro placer, Eduardo. Gracias a USTED por PERMITIRNOS enseñarle." (It wasn't easy to convince people to let us teach them.) Then he replied,
"Pero, no, élderes, de verdad quiero agradecerles lo que han hecho por mi, porque hay algo que ustedes no sabían, al menos que yo no les he contado. El día en que me encontraron, yo le había dicho a Dios que si no me enviaba una señal de que yo era especial para Él y de que mi vida aún tenía esperanza, yo hiba a cometer suicidio. Estaba cansado de vivir, y mis responsabilidades para con mi mamá y mi hermana perecían demasiado pesadas para mí que pensaba que ya no tenía fuerzas para seguir luchando. Y pensaba que Dios no me amaba. Pero ustedes, élderes, literalmente fueron el rescate y la respuesta que Dios me envió para salvar mi vida y hacerme saber que Él sí me ama. A partir de ese día, cambié mi decisión de tomar mi vida, y ahora siento esperanza por el futuro de nuevo".
Cuando Eduardo me dijo eso, mis lagrimas calleron de mis ojos, como lo están callendo hoy. As Eduardo continued explaining such profound words to my companion and I, I looked up behind him, as to look up to Heavenly Father (or to the sky, so to speak) to thank Him for saving this man's life. But just before I turned my sight completely upward, I realized that the wall directly above where Eduardo was sitting was the wall I had dreamed. His chair was just on the side of the doorway, and the wall above him was precisely the one I dreamed over a year before. I was completely mesmerized! Every last detail was just as my dream had shown me before I even knew the town of Vizcaya--or Eduardo--existed. As a result, I knew then why the house had such a profound impact on my life: it was the place where I saw the life of two men impacted to the point where they decided to continue living with faith and determined strength-- Eduardo's and mine. So, after collecting my thoughts, I still looked upwards, and with even more intent, I said silently, "Wow! And thank you, God!"
Our dreams can and ofter are extremely serious! They can indeed be life changing to us and to those around us. So from now on, my negligence towards my significant dreams will stop, and I will put in my part of the work, often hard work, to make them come true. Because when God speaks, He shall not be ignored. After all, a dream is only a dream unless our actions help make it a reality.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Growing My Hair
I know its a strange topic, and a strange thing to do. But I want to. Today, April 10th, I have decided that I am going to grow my hair for a whole year. Well, no less than SIX MONTHS. If I like it, I will increase the time no less than another six months---so a year total. I don't want to have hair like a girl either, so its not like I'm gonna let it grow to my shoulders or anything like that.
I have basically had the same haircut for ALL MY LIFE! And it's old. Since my haircut has always been very short, the only way to go is long. And if you're gonna do something, you gotta do it well, right?
Anyway, I've always kinda wanted my to have my hair long, or at least longer, but I never have because I was worried that it wouldn't look good or be manageable because of my wavy hair. But that's the thing, I don't want to worry about my appearance. It's kind of a way of just being, not worrying about my look, and just focus on other more important things. (That's not to say I won't wash my hair and at least be presentable, either, though.) And I've been noticing some of my favorite tennis players (Rafa Nadal, Juan Martin Del Potro, Roger Federer (who is not a favorite, but in the list because of the topic of hair)) and they all have long hair. They seem to like it. In my opinion, it makes them more hard-core. They just ware a bandanna- or whatever you call those things- and just focus on the game. And I too want to go through with it this time.
Every time I have tried to grow my hair before I get to a point where its hard to manage, or I don't think it looks good, so I end up cutting it. And regret loosing out on the progress EVERY TIME. So I am writing about the goal to grow my hair this time because it is my way of committing myself to stick with it the whole way.
So yeah, it is April 10th, 2010, and I am growing my hair for a year without any haircuts in between.
I have basically had the same haircut for ALL MY LIFE! And it's old. Since my haircut has always been very short, the only way to go is long. And if you're gonna do something, you gotta do it well, right?
Anyway, I've always kinda wanted my to have my hair long, or at least longer, but I never have because I was worried that it wouldn't look good or be manageable because of my wavy hair. But that's the thing, I don't want to worry about my appearance. It's kind of a way of just being, not worrying about my look, and just focus on other more important things. (That's not to say I won't wash my hair and at least be presentable, either, though.) And I've been noticing some of my favorite tennis players (Rafa Nadal, Juan Martin Del Potro, Roger Federer (who is not a favorite, but in the list because of the topic of hair)) and they all have long hair. They seem to like it. In my opinion, it makes them more hard-core. They just ware a bandanna- or whatever you call those things- and just focus on the game. And I too want to go through with it this time.
Every time I have tried to grow my hair before I get to a point where its hard to manage, or I don't think it looks good, so I end up cutting it. And regret loosing out on the progress EVERY TIME. So I am writing about the goal to grow my hair this time because it is my way of committing myself to stick with it the whole way.
So yeah, it is April 10th, 2010, and I am growing my hair for a year without any haircuts in between.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Who Am I to be Brilliant?
Over the passed few years I have been thinking about my purpose on Earth. And because I believe purpose is tied with potential, I've also been trying to understand human potential--particularly mine. I've pondered on these issues from the time I was a teenager. Fortunately, they have both finally become very clear to me, and I've even been blessed to understand their relevance to my preexistence.
As I was showering today, I was listening to the song "I Got You," by Leona Lewis, and I was paying close attention to the lyrics. I begun seeing some parallels in the relationship described in the song to that of mine with God. Suddenly, the lyrics made me imagine, or remember if you will, the moment of my departure from the pre-Earth life. These were the lyrics, which I processed in the form of a conversation between God and me, and they are in the order my mind processed them:
God: "Go ahead and say goodbye."
Me: "Go ahead and make me cry."
God: "For better or worse, I got you."
As I was reliving this experience in my mind, for a brief moment, despite the promise from God that He would help in all circumstances, I couldn't help but feel the sadness of that day. I could feel the emptiness it provided me to think that I would not be able to literally see God anymore (during life on Earth,) that we couldn't hug, and just be in His literal presence. So as I thought about that, my teenage years here on Earth and my recent month flashed before my eyes also.
I was introduced to the gospel of Jesus Christ at the age of 17. Missionaries taught me that we are created in Gods image and that we are here on Earth to become more like Him, that we are to become fully developed creations, and that one day we will return to live with Him as such. I was, as I still am, so thankful that they taught me what my spiritual potential and purpose is, and how to reach it. But the word "fully" stuck in my mind and it has not left over the years.
In my opinion, a full progress is not limited to that of our spirit. It means we are to meet our purpose and potential intellectually, socially and physically. Consequently, I realize that I was not born to be mediocre in any sense. None of us are. So, being that I was already put on the right path to strive to meet my spiritual potential, it has since been my duty and my desire to figure out how, and in what mean I will meet my measure in all the other areas.
One morning, like many, many before it, as I opened my eyes from my sleep I immediately asked in ponder and in prayer, "Should I really go for what I truly have a passion for?" I really wanted the answer to be yes--after all, it was my passion in life; and it seemed like the perfect area to meet my potential in all senses. Anyway, I can't say I expected an answer that very moment. I mean, I was getting used to the awkward silence from all the previous times I had asked. But this time the outcome was different. I heard a very clear, determined voice within me say, "Go get it!"
A part of me was so relieved and excited to finally have an answer, but the other was doubtful. I had received the answer in such an unexpected, ironically abrupt way, that I didn't quite know what to do with it. So confused about my experience, over the next few days I asked for an answer to my answer. In retrospect, I realize how foolish I was to do so, but due to my lack of experience with such clear, literal answers to prayer, it was the only way I could react. Anyway, I continued asking as the days passed, and Sunday came. That Sunday will forever be known as the one unlike any others.
As I got ready for church, I was a bit nervous. My branch president had told me a member of our Stake Presidency would meet with me about the possibility of receiving a church calling, so I wanted to make the best of it. I walked to church, and once there I had to wait all three hours to speak with him. When we finally met, we briefly discussed our names--his I have yet to remember since I am horrible with names--and where we are from, but then he abruptly interrupted our conversation. "Brother Márquez, I HAVE to share a story with you about my mission that occurred nearly 40 years ago. It's about a time when I heard a voice within." Whoa! I knew right then and there that I needed to play very close attention, as this was the answer to the answer that I was seeking.
He said that he and his companion were both riding their bikes slowly down a street in Bolivia, when suddenly he heard a voice within tell him, "In this particular spot, there will one day be a temple." Shocked at what he had heard, he stopped his bike and took a moment to make sense of it. Thinking his companion might of gotten ahead of him, he turned up to call him, but then realized the companion had also stopped at just a few steps of distanced, and that he looked just as stunned. The brother talking to me said he asked his companion what was going on, to which the companion replied, "I just heard a voice within me tell me that there will one day be a temple in this particular spot." So the brother speaking to me told his companion then that they both had heard the same voice say the same thing. And then the stake representative looked me in the eyes and said, "Twenty years later, Brother Márquez, Bolivia received it's first temple in 'THAT particular spot.'" He continued looking me in the eyes and said, "NEVER doubt the voice within, brother Márquez."
To say that my spirit and entire being was shook is to say the least. I was moved to tears and could not get a hold of myself. The Spirit was telling me in another, yet similar literal voice to "Go get it!" It was as if I heard the voice again and again say with a resounding voice, "Go get it!" The Spirit's style of conviction had never been so clear to me. It took me hearing it over and over to realize that it has the same conviction every time it speaks, even the first time. But I was willing to full heartedly follow it from then on--and from the first time it speaks to me. The seeds of clarity, determination, and yes, conviction, were planted in me, and I could immediately feel them starting to grow. I also realized that the reason I wanted an 'answer about the answer' was because I feared the challenges and difficulties of chasing my dreams and accomplishing my potential.
The brother then told me, "Brother Márquez, I feel like I need to tell you another brief story--I'm sorry, I'm just feeling I need to tell you." So he went on to tell me about a time in his life when he wanted to be a truck insurance salesman, but didn't have the financial means to do so. He said he decided to wait it out and just get another job that was more financially secure and stable. But, he soon had a dream in which he saw a man with specific clothes and facial characteristics. Days after, he went to an interview for a truck salesman position, and the interviewer was wearing the same clothes and had the same facial characteristics. Well, the interview went really well. He told me, "As I was driving home from the interview, I heard the Spirit tell me, 'The hand of the Lord is extended, He will provide."' The brother then looked at me in the eyes again, just as sincerely, and said, "Brother Márquez, the hand of the Lord is extended, He will provide.'" I... was... floored!
I am memorized by God's tender mercy for me. He used a kind, spiritually receptive brother to bless me with much needed clarity. I could not contain the tears again because I could clearly feel this brother's and God's love for me. The brother became a bit worried about my tears and kindly asked, "Can I do anything for you, Brother Márquez? Are you doing okay?" I replied, "I have never been better." I briefly explained to this brother that I had been contemplating a few decisions about my life that would require it to make a complete 180, pending answers to my prayers. And, that thanks to our conversation, I now knew the path that I should take; that I am apt for it, or could be with hard work, and that I simply needed to "Go get it."
I apologized for not being able to go into full detail yet about what "it" was, but promised that one day he would see.
Sometimes it is just not the moment to say things, though there is nothing to hide. There are some things that we must keep between God and ourself. At least until the right moment comes, if it does. But even without all the details, a person and or a moment can completely change our lives for the better.
With a voice of relief the brother said to me, "I just knew it was the Spirit strongly telling me to share those things with you that I simply couldn't not say them. I want to end our conversation by making one last point. I realize it will not be easy to 'Go Get'... whatever it is, but make sure you have the strength to get back up when you fall and scrape your knees on your way there. You will need to keep fighting. Keep fighting!" So he looked me in eyes one last time, and this time without words said, "If you keep fighting, I KNOW you will accomplish it!" It was one of those inexplicable moments when two people understand each other without words. So all I could reply was, "Brother, you have told me EVERYTHING I needed to hear. Thank you." We shook hands and gave each other a hug of appreciation and gratitude, and both went our way.
Going back to my experience today when I was allowed a brief insight on my departure from the previous life---after feeling the sadness I also realized that I was sent away but equipped with all I need--especially when I listen--to ACCOMPLISH my purpose and potential. AND I WILL! We are given these types of spiritual, impacting insights not to just have something to talk about, but to find the direction and drive to accomplish what we will. And I will not waste the blessing.
I will "Go get it!" I could hear the words again as God must have said them so sincerely to me some 25 years ago, "I got you. For better or worse, I got you." There was really nothing to be scared of or to fear but myself. None of us have anything to fear but ourselves. And the reason we often don't know what our purpose and potential is, or accomplish it, is because we fear success, not failure. I would like to end with some wise words from Marianne Williamson:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
As I was showering today, I was listening to the song "I Got You," by Leona Lewis, and I was paying close attention to the lyrics. I begun seeing some parallels in the relationship described in the song to that of mine with God. Suddenly, the lyrics made me imagine, or remember if you will, the moment of my departure from the pre-Earth life. These were the lyrics, which I processed in the form of a conversation between God and me, and they are in the order my mind processed them:
God: "Go ahead and say goodbye."
Me: "Go ahead and make me cry."
God: "For better or worse, I got you."
As I was reliving this experience in my mind, for a brief moment, despite the promise from God that He would help in all circumstances, I couldn't help but feel the sadness of that day. I could feel the emptiness it provided me to think that I would not be able to literally see God anymore (during life on Earth,) that we couldn't hug, and just be in His literal presence. So as I thought about that, my teenage years here on Earth and my recent month flashed before my eyes also.
I was introduced to the gospel of Jesus Christ at the age of 17. Missionaries taught me that we are created in Gods image and that we are here on Earth to become more like Him, that we are to become fully developed creations, and that one day we will return to live with Him as such. I was, as I still am, so thankful that they taught me what my spiritual potential and purpose is, and how to reach it. But the word "fully" stuck in my mind and it has not left over the years.
In my opinion, a full progress is not limited to that of our spirit. It means we are to meet our purpose and potential intellectually, socially and physically. Consequently, I realize that I was not born to be mediocre in any sense. None of us are. So, being that I was already put on the right path to strive to meet my spiritual potential, it has since been my duty and my desire to figure out how, and in what mean I will meet my measure in all the other areas.
One morning, like many, many before it, as I opened my eyes from my sleep I immediately asked in ponder and in prayer, "Should I really go for what I truly have a passion for?" I really wanted the answer to be yes--after all, it was my passion in life; and it seemed like the perfect area to meet my potential in all senses. Anyway, I can't say I expected an answer that very moment. I mean, I was getting used to the awkward silence from all the previous times I had asked. But this time the outcome was different. I heard a very clear, determined voice within me say, "Go get it!"
A part of me was so relieved and excited to finally have an answer, but the other was doubtful. I had received the answer in such an unexpected, ironically abrupt way, that I didn't quite know what to do with it. So confused about my experience, over the next few days I asked for an answer to my answer. In retrospect, I realize how foolish I was to do so, but due to my lack of experience with such clear, literal answers to prayer, it was the only way I could react. Anyway, I continued asking as the days passed, and Sunday came. That Sunday will forever be known as the one unlike any others.
As I got ready for church, I was a bit nervous. My branch president had told me a member of our Stake Presidency would meet with me about the possibility of receiving a church calling, so I wanted to make the best of it. I walked to church, and once there I had to wait all three hours to speak with him. When we finally met, we briefly discussed our names--his I have yet to remember since I am horrible with names--and where we are from, but then he abruptly interrupted our conversation. "Brother Márquez, I HAVE to share a story with you about my mission that occurred nearly 40 years ago. It's about a time when I heard a voice within." Whoa! I knew right then and there that I needed to play very close attention, as this was the answer to the answer that I was seeking.
He said that he and his companion were both riding their bikes slowly down a street in Bolivia, when suddenly he heard a voice within tell him, "In this particular spot, there will one day be a temple." Shocked at what he had heard, he stopped his bike and took a moment to make sense of it. Thinking his companion might of gotten ahead of him, he turned up to call him, but then realized the companion had also stopped at just a few steps of distanced, and that he looked just as stunned. The brother talking to me said he asked his companion what was going on, to which the companion replied, "I just heard a voice within me tell me that there will one day be a temple in this particular spot." So the brother speaking to me told his companion then that they both had heard the same voice say the same thing. And then the stake representative looked me in the eyes and said, "Twenty years later, Brother Márquez, Bolivia received it's first temple in 'THAT particular spot.'" He continued looking me in the eyes and said, "NEVER doubt the voice within, brother Márquez."
To say that my spirit and entire being was shook is to say the least. I was moved to tears and could not get a hold of myself. The Spirit was telling me in another, yet similar literal voice to "Go get it!" It was as if I heard the voice again and again say with a resounding voice, "Go get it!" The Spirit's style of conviction had never been so clear to me. It took me hearing it over and over to realize that it has the same conviction every time it speaks, even the first time. But I was willing to full heartedly follow it from then on--and from the first time it speaks to me. The seeds of clarity, determination, and yes, conviction, were planted in me, and I could immediately feel them starting to grow. I also realized that the reason I wanted an 'answer about the answer' was because I feared the challenges and difficulties of chasing my dreams and accomplishing my potential.
The brother then told me, "Brother Márquez, I feel like I need to tell you another brief story--I'm sorry, I'm just feeling I need to tell you." So he went on to tell me about a time in his life when he wanted to be a truck insurance salesman, but didn't have the financial means to do so. He said he decided to wait it out and just get another job that was more financially secure and stable. But, he soon had a dream in which he saw a man with specific clothes and facial characteristics. Days after, he went to an interview for a truck salesman position, and the interviewer was wearing the same clothes and had the same facial characteristics. Well, the interview went really well. He told me, "As I was driving home from the interview, I heard the Spirit tell me, 'The hand of the Lord is extended, He will provide."' The brother then looked at me in the eyes again, just as sincerely, and said, "Brother Márquez, the hand of the Lord is extended, He will provide.'" I... was... floored!
I am memorized by God's tender mercy for me. He used a kind, spiritually receptive brother to bless me with much needed clarity. I could not contain the tears again because I could clearly feel this brother's and God's love for me. The brother became a bit worried about my tears and kindly asked, "Can I do anything for you, Brother Márquez? Are you doing okay?" I replied, "I have never been better." I briefly explained to this brother that I had been contemplating a few decisions about my life that would require it to make a complete 180, pending answers to my prayers. And, that thanks to our conversation, I now knew the path that I should take; that I am apt for it, or could be with hard work, and that I simply needed to "Go get it."
I apologized for not being able to go into full detail yet about what "it" was, but promised that one day he would see.
Sometimes it is just not the moment to say things, though there is nothing to hide. There are some things that we must keep between God and ourself. At least until the right moment comes, if it does. But even without all the details, a person and or a moment can completely change our lives for the better.
With a voice of relief the brother said to me, "I just knew it was the Spirit strongly telling me to share those things with you that I simply couldn't not say them. I want to end our conversation by making one last point. I realize it will not be easy to 'Go Get'... whatever it is, but make sure you have the strength to get back up when you fall and scrape your knees on your way there. You will need to keep fighting. Keep fighting!" So he looked me in eyes one last time, and this time without words said, "If you keep fighting, I KNOW you will accomplish it!" It was one of those inexplicable moments when two people understand each other without words. So all I could reply was, "Brother, you have told me EVERYTHING I needed to hear. Thank you." We shook hands and gave each other a hug of appreciation and gratitude, and both went our way.
Going back to my experience today when I was allowed a brief insight on my departure from the previous life---after feeling the sadness I also realized that I was sent away but equipped with all I need--especially when I listen--to ACCOMPLISH my purpose and potential. AND I WILL! We are given these types of spiritual, impacting insights not to just have something to talk about, but to find the direction and drive to accomplish what we will. And I will not waste the blessing.
I will "Go get it!" I could hear the words again as God must have said them so sincerely to me some 25 years ago, "I got you. For better or worse, I got you." There was really nothing to be scared of or to fear but myself. None of us have anything to fear but ourselves. And the reason we often don't know what our purpose and potential is, or accomplish it, is because we fear success, not failure. I would like to end with some wise words from Marianne Williamson:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Friday, March 5, 2010
Human Blueprint (Cru)
I have been sitting mesmerized by the talent of a dance crew--BLUEPRINT CRU. They hold the perfect balance of skills and humility. It is so rare to see both skills and humility mixed as one, but this crew has taught me that, when they are, the mix takes you a very, very long way--regardless of circumstances or challenges.
Blueprint is a Canadian dance crew that is now competing on one of my favorite TV shows, America's Best Dance Crew (ABDC.) Some people in the US seem to think Canada is not part of the Americas (I hope it's not Canadians also.) So its been hard for "American (US)" viewers to vote in favor of Blueprint Cru for the mere fact of geographical borders. And, since a crew's progress on the show is driven by viewers' votes, this is quite a stumbling block for them. Also, another crew on the show, Poreotix, has attempted to discourage them by directing offensive comments to them, claiming that beating Blueprint on the show would not be hard. Despite the obstacles from all directions, Blueprint Cru has displayed the most mesmerizing, entertaining talent on the ABDC dance stage, and they give their 110% every time they perform (which I highly admire)! They have now made it to the top three, and counting! Blueprint crew puts on performances that are simply the 'dancing blueprint.'
Members of Blueprint Cru describe their vision for their performances as "absolute perfection--and it is what drives them." They continue saying that they "take every single second seriously, choreograph and synchronize them to the T, and practice them militantly and unceasingly until they're all as perfect as possible." Blueprint does realize total perfection is perhaps impossible, but they do use it as their source of inspiration. To some, Blueprint Cru's views might sound cocky; to me, they sound inspirational and admirable---and worthy of emulation.
There's one more thing I want to mention, though, which is what I consider truly makes this dance crew a standing blueprint. During their celebration after progress on the show, Blueprint crew was interviewed. In the interview, they were asked how they felt about Poreotix's crew members insinuating that Blueprint Cru would lose the competition as a result of loosing to Poreotix. (Because I saw both crews perform during the show, I saw Blueprint has a clear advantage in dance skills and ability to create well rounded, entertaining dance numbers.) I expected Blueprint Cru to "talk trash" back, but they did not--in fact, they praised Poreotix. Blueprint graciously said, "[Poreotics] is gonna be AMAZING! They have so much to offer, and we can't wait to see and meet them." Blueprint said it sincerely, too.
I learned from that attitude that in life we must realize who we are first, THEN be dancers (or whatever we choose to be in life.) I am thankful for Blueprint Cru because, regardless of if they become ABDC champs or not, they have shown me that I have so much more potential than I imagine, which I should always strive to reach, and that I am never better than my fellow man. The human blueprint is not only accomplished by polishing our skill, but by polishing our human being.
Blueprint is a Canadian dance crew that is now competing on one of my favorite TV shows, America's Best Dance Crew (ABDC.) Some people in the US seem to think Canada is not part of the Americas (I hope it's not Canadians also.) So its been hard for "American (US)" viewers to vote in favor of Blueprint Cru for the mere fact of geographical borders. And, since a crew's progress on the show is driven by viewers' votes, this is quite a stumbling block for them. Also, another crew on the show, Poreotix, has attempted to discourage them by directing offensive comments to them, claiming that beating Blueprint on the show would not be hard. Despite the obstacles from all directions, Blueprint Cru has displayed the most mesmerizing, entertaining talent on the ABDC dance stage, and they give their 110% every time they perform (which I highly admire)! They have now made it to the top three, and counting! Blueprint crew puts on performances that are simply the 'dancing blueprint.'
Members of Blueprint Cru describe their vision for their performances as "absolute perfection--and it is what drives them." They continue saying that they "take every single second seriously, choreograph and synchronize them to the T, and practice them militantly and unceasingly until they're all as perfect as possible." Blueprint does realize total perfection is perhaps impossible, but they do use it as their source of inspiration. To some, Blueprint Cru's views might sound cocky; to me, they sound inspirational and admirable---and worthy of emulation.
There's one more thing I want to mention, though, which is what I consider truly makes this dance crew a standing blueprint. During their celebration after progress on the show, Blueprint crew was interviewed. In the interview, they were asked how they felt about Poreotix's crew members insinuating that Blueprint Cru would lose the competition as a result of loosing to Poreotix. (Because I saw both crews perform during the show, I saw Blueprint has a clear advantage in dance skills and ability to create well rounded, entertaining dance numbers.) I expected Blueprint Cru to "talk trash" back, but they did not--in fact, they praised Poreotix. Blueprint graciously said, "[Poreotics] is gonna be AMAZING! They have so much to offer, and we can't wait to see and meet them." Blueprint said it sincerely, too.
I learned from that attitude that in life we must realize who we are first, THEN be dancers (or whatever we choose to be in life.) I am thankful for Blueprint Cru because, regardless of if they become ABDC champs or not, they have shown me that I have so much more potential than I imagine, which I should always strive to reach, and that I am never better than my fellow man. The human blueprint is not only accomplished by polishing our skill, but by polishing our human being.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Quotes That Speak What I Perceive
"OUR DEEPEST FEAR IS NOT THAT
WE ARE INADEQUATE.
OUR DEEPEST FEAR IS THAT WE ARE
POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE.
WE ASK OURSELVES : WHO AM I TO BE BRILLIANT,
GORGEOUS, TALENTED AND FABULOUS?
ACTUALLY, WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE?
YOUR PLAYING SMALL DOESN'T SERVE THE WORLD.
WE WERE BORN TO MAKE MANIFEST THE GLORY
OF GOD THAT IS WITIN US.
AND AS WE LET OUR OWN LIGHT SHINE,
WE UNCONSCIOUSLY GIVE OTHER PEOPLE
PERMISSION TO DO THE SAME."
-Marianne Williamson
-"WHAT DOES IT MEAN?"
-"THAT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AFRAID."
-"AFRAID OF WHAT?"
-"...AFRAID OF ME."
... IF YOU WANT TO GET THERE, YOU CAN'T BE A SHRINKING VIOLET. YOU HAVE TO STAND UP AND SHOW THEM WHAT YOU CAN DO! ALRIGHT!
(All taken from the movie Akeelah and the Bee)
WE ARE INADEQUATE.
OUR DEEPEST FEAR IS THAT WE ARE
POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURE.
WE ASK OURSELVES : WHO AM I TO BE BRILLIANT,
GORGEOUS, TALENTED AND FABULOUS?
ACTUALLY, WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE?
YOUR PLAYING SMALL DOESN'T SERVE THE WORLD.
WE WERE BORN TO MAKE MANIFEST THE GLORY
OF GOD THAT IS WITIN US.
AND AS WE LET OUR OWN LIGHT SHINE,
WE UNCONSCIOUSLY GIVE OTHER PEOPLE
PERMISSION TO DO THE SAME."
-Marianne Williamson
-"WHAT DOES IT MEAN?"
-"THAT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AFRAID."
-"AFRAID OF WHAT?"
-"...AFRAID OF ME."
... IF YOU WANT TO GET THERE, YOU CAN'T BE A SHRINKING VIOLET. YOU HAVE TO STAND UP AND SHOW THEM WHAT YOU CAN DO! ALRIGHT!
(All taken from the movie Akeelah and the Bee)
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid/Goals
It seems that lately I've been afraid to write. About myself, my life goals, my progress or failures, my crushes and love interests, and other stuff. And I think I'm afraid of the reactions of those who read. But, after thinking about it, there are just some things that are better left unsaid. I still want to write and share what I think is important. And it's not to say there is not a desire to say some things, but with what comes out of our mouth also comes a commitment to face what may come from it, especially the pressure those who hear put on us. It just seems to me that sometimes we say thing for others, not really because WE want or because they're even necessary to say. I want to live my own life for my own reasons and with my own accomplishments. Be an individual who has a healthy perception of myself and others. In other words, I don't want my life to be motivated by glory, recognition, popularity, the "norm" (whatever that is,) or by the need to impress. That seems quite insincere and just not me. I've just seen so many people talk about their goals, for example, and then the world holds them to those insatiably, as opposed to being supportive and elevating. Plus, to a certain degree, one stops being human and valued for who one is internally. I don't want to place that pressure on me nor on those around me. Not at all. In my case, I would prefer to admit that I greatly need those around me, but for the right reasons. I want my friends and family to contribute to my life by being who THEY are. Hopefully we can elevate and inspire each other naturally and effortlessly.
To continue making my point---in the area of goals, for example, my goals are very unlikely and out of the ordinary. I would say some of them can be considered larger then life, to a degree--none the less I believe in them--but I would rather speak about them once I have accomplished them, if at all. If that doesn't happen, as I said, some things are better left unsaid.
All I can say is that I am not the type to say that I did not try.
To continue making my point---in the area of goals, for example, my goals are very unlikely and out of the ordinary. I would say some of them can be considered larger then life, to a degree--none the less I believe in them--but I would rather speak about them once I have accomplished them, if at all. If that doesn't happen, as I said, some things are better left unsaid.
All I can say is that I am not the type to say that I did not try.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
"I see you." -Avatar
In the movie "Avatar" there is an expression that gets to me--- "I see you." The Avatars, when they say it, mean they see who you ARE. They see your soul. When I heard the expression in the movie, I was seriously impacted by it. It made so much sense and it made me wish the world was more interested in "seeing." It made me want to "see" and be "seen" more often.
I think deep down I've always wanted to "see" and to be "seen"-- I think we all do. And, as I think about it, it seems like the only way, or at least the best, of seeing pure truth in human relations. Few things truly get my attention, but pure truth is one of them. I've concluded that, if we "see" more often, we will be better people and get the juice out of life. By the same token, I think that our unwillingness (lack of desire or fear, whatever we want to call it) to "see" is making us loose human connection with others and to ourselves. And even to nature and God.
It seems hard to "see" because it requires real human connections to take place, an acceptance of reality as it is and as we want it to be, and a level of vulnerability. But the reward seems worth it. Now I am definitely not the best at this "sight" thing, but I can't deny that there is nothing in life better than feeling--no, BEING--understood and appreciated. Or, as I interpret it, "seen."
I hope that the people in my life "see" me and that I could "see" them.
I think deep down I've always wanted to "see" and to be "seen"-- I think we all do. And, as I think about it, it seems like the only way, or at least the best, of seeing pure truth in human relations. Few things truly get my attention, but pure truth is one of them. I've concluded that, if we "see" more often, we will be better people and get the juice out of life. By the same token, I think that our unwillingness (lack of desire or fear, whatever we want to call it) to "see" is making us loose human connection with others and to ourselves. And even to nature and God.
It seems hard to "see" because it requires real human connections to take place, an acceptance of reality as it is and as we want it to be, and a level of vulnerability. But the reward seems worth it. Now I am definitely not the best at this "sight" thing, but I can't deny that there is nothing in life better than feeling--no, BEING--understood and appreciated. Or, as I interpret it, "seen."
I hope that the people in my life "see" me and that I could "see" them.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
What is it?!
I am very nervous! For the last few days I have had a bad pain on my lower right ab. My dad had appendicitis when he was a bit younger than me, so I am very nervous that it will be the same thing--or something worse. Please, God, don't let it be bad. This whole day has been quite a bad day when it comes to this. It was a slight discomfort this morning but now it is a pain that doesn't go away. Its causing my right leg to be numb. In fact, my right leg has been numb to some degree almost this entire day. Honestly, I am terrified right now! I don't know how to sleep tonight because I am thinking so much. I think writing helps me feel a bit more calm. Somehow letting the panic be said makes me feel a little relieved. However, I am still at the level of fear because when my dad had appendicitis, his appendix exploded all of a sudden! I DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME! I wanted to wait for the BYU Health Center to open tomorrow morning so that I don't have to pay so much, but I don't want to risk dying or having it explode. I think I might get up and go to the ER right now.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)