Today, as I was logging in to read my emails, I saw a note on the homepage that said "Optimize Your Naps for Faster Learning." After reading the article (which was actually titled "Can You Force Yourself To Dream?") I was reminded of the serious importance dreams have had in my life and that, therefore, I need to start taking them seriously again.
Before I even knew I would serve a two year religious mission, I had a few dreams that were very memorable, but which I originally failed to appropriately cherish. One of them was of me walking up a hill in a town that I had never been in. On the opposite side of the street was a blue building with slanted roofs under which many kids were playing. There seemed to be a swimming pool there, (but somehow I knew it was a pool only during the time of the dream.) In another dream, I was sitting in a very humble home staring directly at the wall above a doorway thinking about the deep impact this home was having on my life. I didn't know then why it was having such an impact on me, but I was just taking it all in, simply feeling grateful to be there.
In 2005, I made my landing in Costa Rica as a missionary. About six months later, I was sent to serve in an area known to the mission as "Vizcaya." And, more surprising than anything has ever been in my life, in Vizcaya was that hill and building I had dreamed of over an entire year before. The hill was one I had to walk often in an attempt to find the people I sought to reach with Christ's gospel on a daily basis. But I recognized it the very first time I saw it. The building on the opposite side of the street was actually a school, but it was in fact blue and did have the slanted roofs under which many kids were playing. Seeing this, and being able to remember so vividly as if I had seen it only the day before, I knew I had made it to the area God intended me for; it was great to be sure beyond a doubt of my whereabouts and that God truly is the omniscient man. But I also knew this meant that I had a great work ahead of me, so I worked very hard for the next few months.
One day, after walking all over the place and making an effort to talk to everyone we could, my companion and I met a young man named Eduardo. Eduardo was a humble guy who had to do any and all odd jobs that came up, from selling movies, to cleaning peoples properties, to just about anything that came up. He had to, otherwise his aging mom and handicap sister would have nothing to eat or a place to live. And, for one reason or another, thee was not father in the home. After meeting him and feeling his humility and receptiveness, we asked if we could go by his house and teach him our message about Christ's gospel, and he willingly said yes.
Eduardo told us his house was up an extremely steep hill, so he asked us to meet and teach him at the church for "convenience," as he said. So we did. And over the next few weeks of teaching Eduardo, we begun seeing a change in his countenance and even saw him radiate more joy. He was extremely punctual to our lessons and always fulfilled his reading and church attendance assignments. I was so happy to see his progress, but then one day I got a call from my mission President telling me that I was being transferred to another area. It was a sad day for me because I knew I would no longer be able to personally witness Eduardo's progress. So I planned to go and say goodbye to him and encourage him to continue learning and progressing. This time, however, we agreed to meet him at his house.
After walking up that extremely steep and tiresome hill, Eduardo was waiting for us as we had planned. When I finally caught my breath, I told him I had been called to go serve in another area and that I had asked to meet him at his house because I was there to say goodbye. Eduardo replied, "I thought they might ask you to leave, I had a feeling. Come in, I want to make sure and tell you something before you leave as I realize I may never have another chance to do so." It was actually our first time coming into his house, despite the length of time, weeks, that we had been teaching him for already.
Once inside, and after talking a few minutes about the order of the mission and about his progress, he said, in Spanish, "Elder Márquez, quiero agradecerles con todo mi corazón a usted y a su compañero por haberme encontrado. Y más por haberme enseñado el evangelio de Jesucristo." I thought to myself, "Well, that's really nice," and just said to him, "Ah, pues, ha sido nuestro placer, Eduardo. Gracias a USTED por PERMITIRNOS enseñarle." (It wasn't easy to convince people to let us teach them.) Then he replied,
"Pero, no, élderes, de verdad quiero agradecerles lo que han hecho por mi, porque hay algo que ustedes no sabían, al menos que yo no les he contado. El día en que me encontraron, yo le había dicho a Dios que si no me enviaba una señal de que yo era especial para Él y de que mi vida aún tenía esperanza, yo hiba a cometer suicidio. Estaba cansado de vivir, y mis responsabilidades para con mi mamá y mi hermana perecían demasiado pesadas para mí que pensaba que ya no tenía fuerzas para seguir luchando. Y pensaba que Dios no me amaba. Pero ustedes, élderes, literalmente fueron el rescate y la respuesta que Dios me envió para salvar mi vida y hacerme saber que Él sí me ama. A partir de ese día, cambié mi decisión de tomar mi vida, y ahora siento esperanza por el futuro de nuevo".
Cuando Eduardo me dijo eso, mis lagrimas calleron de mis ojos, como lo están callendo hoy. As Eduardo continued explaining such profound words to my companion and I, I looked up behind him, as to look up to Heavenly Father (or to the sky, so to speak) to thank Him for saving this man's life. But just before I turned my sight completely upward, I realized that the wall directly above where Eduardo was sitting was the wall I had dreamed. His chair was just on the side of the doorway, and the wall above him was precisely the one I dreamed over a year before. I was completely mesmerized! Every last detail was just as my dream had shown me before I even knew the town of Vizcaya--or Eduardo--existed. As a result, I knew then why the house had such a profound impact on my life: it was the place where I saw the life of two men impacted to the point where they decided to continue living with faith and determined strength-- Eduardo's and mine. So, after collecting my thoughts, I still looked upwards, and with even more intent, I said silently, "Wow! And thank you, God!"
Our dreams can and ofter are extremely serious! They can indeed be life changing to us and to those around us. So from now on, my negligence towards my significant dreams will stop, and I will put in my part of the work, often hard work, to make them come true. Because when God speaks, He shall not be ignored. After all, a dream is only a dream unless our actions help make it a reality.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Growing My Hair
I know its a strange topic, and a strange thing to do. But I want to. Today, April 10th, I have decided that I am going to grow my hair for a whole year. Well, no less than SIX MONTHS. If I like it, I will increase the time no less than another six months---so a year total. I don't want to have hair like a girl either, so its not like I'm gonna let it grow to my shoulders or anything like that.
I have basically had the same haircut for ALL MY LIFE! And it's old. Since my haircut has always been very short, the only way to go is long. And if you're gonna do something, you gotta do it well, right?
Anyway, I've always kinda wanted my to have my hair long, or at least longer, but I never have because I was worried that it wouldn't look good or be manageable because of my wavy hair. But that's the thing, I don't want to worry about my appearance. It's kind of a way of just being, not worrying about my look, and just focus on other more important things. (That's not to say I won't wash my hair and at least be presentable, either, though.) And I've been noticing some of my favorite tennis players (Rafa Nadal, Juan Martin Del Potro, Roger Federer (who is not a favorite, but in the list because of the topic of hair)) and they all have long hair. They seem to like it. In my opinion, it makes them more hard-core. They just ware a bandanna- or whatever you call those things- and just focus on the game. And I too want to go through with it this time.
Every time I have tried to grow my hair before I get to a point where its hard to manage, or I don't think it looks good, so I end up cutting it. And regret loosing out on the progress EVERY TIME. So I am writing about the goal to grow my hair this time because it is my way of committing myself to stick with it the whole way.
So yeah, it is April 10th, 2010, and I am growing my hair for a year without any haircuts in between.
I have basically had the same haircut for ALL MY LIFE! And it's old. Since my haircut has always been very short, the only way to go is long. And if you're gonna do something, you gotta do it well, right?
Anyway, I've always kinda wanted my to have my hair long, or at least longer, but I never have because I was worried that it wouldn't look good or be manageable because of my wavy hair. But that's the thing, I don't want to worry about my appearance. It's kind of a way of just being, not worrying about my look, and just focus on other more important things. (That's not to say I won't wash my hair and at least be presentable, either, though.) And I've been noticing some of my favorite tennis players (Rafa Nadal, Juan Martin Del Potro, Roger Federer (who is not a favorite, but in the list because of the topic of hair)) and they all have long hair. They seem to like it. In my opinion, it makes them more hard-core. They just ware a bandanna- or whatever you call those things- and just focus on the game. And I too want to go through with it this time.
Every time I have tried to grow my hair before I get to a point where its hard to manage, or I don't think it looks good, so I end up cutting it. And regret loosing out on the progress EVERY TIME. So I am writing about the goal to grow my hair this time because it is my way of committing myself to stick with it the whole way.
So yeah, it is April 10th, 2010, and I am growing my hair for a year without any haircuts in between.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Who Am I to be Brilliant?
Over the passed few years I have been thinking about my purpose on Earth. And because I believe purpose is tied with potential, I've also been trying to understand human potential--particularly mine. I've pondered on these issues from the time I was a teenager. Fortunately, they have both finally become very clear to me, and I've even been blessed to understand their relevance to my preexistence.
As I was showering today, I was listening to the song "I Got You," by Leona Lewis, and I was paying close attention to the lyrics. I begun seeing some parallels in the relationship described in the song to that of mine with God. Suddenly, the lyrics made me imagine, or remember if you will, the moment of my departure from the pre-Earth life. These were the lyrics, which I processed in the form of a conversation between God and me, and they are in the order my mind processed them:
God: "Go ahead and say goodbye."
Me: "Go ahead and make me cry."
God: "For better or worse, I got you."
As I was reliving this experience in my mind, for a brief moment, despite the promise from God that He would help in all circumstances, I couldn't help but feel the sadness of that day. I could feel the emptiness it provided me to think that I would not be able to literally see God anymore (during life on Earth,) that we couldn't hug, and just be in His literal presence. So as I thought about that, my teenage years here on Earth and my recent month flashed before my eyes also.
I was introduced to the gospel of Jesus Christ at the age of 17. Missionaries taught me that we are created in Gods image and that we are here on Earth to become more like Him, that we are to become fully developed creations, and that one day we will return to live with Him as such. I was, as I still am, so thankful that they taught me what my spiritual potential and purpose is, and how to reach it. But the word "fully" stuck in my mind and it has not left over the years.
In my opinion, a full progress is not limited to that of our spirit. It means we are to meet our purpose and potential intellectually, socially and physically. Consequently, I realize that I was not born to be mediocre in any sense. None of us are. So, being that I was already put on the right path to strive to meet my spiritual potential, it has since been my duty and my desire to figure out how, and in what mean I will meet my measure in all the other areas.
One morning, like many, many before it, as I opened my eyes from my sleep I immediately asked in ponder and in prayer, "Should I really go for what I truly have a passion for?" I really wanted the answer to be yes--after all, it was my passion in life; and it seemed like the perfect area to meet my potential in all senses. Anyway, I can't say I expected an answer that very moment. I mean, I was getting used to the awkward silence from all the previous times I had asked. But this time the outcome was different. I heard a very clear, determined voice within me say, "Go get it!"
A part of me was so relieved and excited to finally have an answer, but the other was doubtful. I had received the answer in such an unexpected, ironically abrupt way, that I didn't quite know what to do with it. So confused about my experience, over the next few days I asked for an answer to my answer. In retrospect, I realize how foolish I was to do so, but due to my lack of experience with such clear, literal answers to prayer, it was the only way I could react. Anyway, I continued asking as the days passed, and Sunday came. That Sunday will forever be known as the one unlike any others.
As I got ready for church, I was a bit nervous. My branch president had told me a member of our Stake Presidency would meet with me about the possibility of receiving a church calling, so I wanted to make the best of it. I walked to church, and once there I had to wait all three hours to speak with him. When we finally met, we briefly discussed our names--his I have yet to remember since I am horrible with names--and where we are from, but then he abruptly interrupted our conversation. "Brother Márquez, I HAVE to share a story with you about my mission that occurred nearly 40 years ago. It's about a time when I heard a voice within." Whoa! I knew right then and there that I needed to play very close attention, as this was the answer to the answer that I was seeking.
He said that he and his companion were both riding their bikes slowly down a street in Bolivia, when suddenly he heard a voice within tell him, "In this particular spot, there will one day be a temple." Shocked at what he had heard, he stopped his bike and took a moment to make sense of it. Thinking his companion might of gotten ahead of him, he turned up to call him, but then realized the companion had also stopped at just a few steps of distanced, and that he looked just as stunned. The brother talking to me said he asked his companion what was going on, to which the companion replied, "I just heard a voice within me tell me that there will one day be a temple in this particular spot." So the brother speaking to me told his companion then that they both had heard the same voice say the same thing. And then the stake representative looked me in the eyes and said, "Twenty years later, Brother Márquez, Bolivia received it's first temple in 'THAT particular spot.'" He continued looking me in the eyes and said, "NEVER doubt the voice within, brother Márquez."
To say that my spirit and entire being was shook is to say the least. I was moved to tears and could not get a hold of myself. The Spirit was telling me in another, yet similar literal voice to "Go get it!" It was as if I heard the voice again and again say with a resounding voice, "Go get it!" The Spirit's style of conviction had never been so clear to me. It took me hearing it over and over to realize that it has the same conviction every time it speaks, even the first time. But I was willing to full heartedly follow it from then on--and from the first time it speaks to me. The seeds of clarity, determination, and yes, conviction, were planted in me, and I could immediately feel them starting to grow. I also realized that the reason I wanted an 'answer about the answer' was because I feared the challenges and difficulties of chasing my dreams and accomplishing my potential.
The brother then told me, "Brother Márquez, I feel like I need to tell you another brief story--I'm sorry, I'm just feeling I need to tell you." So he went on to tell me about a time in his life when he wanted to be a truck insurance salesman, but didn't have the financial means to do so. He said he decided to wait it out and just get another job that was more financially secure and stable. But, he soon had a dream in which he saw a man with specific clothes and facial characteristics. Days after, he went to an interview for a truck salesman position, and the interviewer was wearing the same clothes and had the same facial characteristics. Well, the interview went really well. He told me, "As I was driving home from the interview, I heard the Spirit tell me, 'The hand of the Lord is extended, He will provide."' The brother then looked at me in the eyes again, just as sincerely, and said, "Brother Márquez, the hand of the Lord is extended, He will provide.'" I... was... floored!
I am memorized by God's tender mercy for me. He used a kind, spiritually receptive brother to bless me with much needed clarity. I could not contain the tears again because I could clearly feel this brother's and God's love for me. The brother became a bit worried about my tears and kindly asked, "Can I do anything for you, Brother Márquez? Are you doing okay?" I replied, "I have never been better." I briefly explained to this brother that I had been contemplating a few decisions about my life that would require it to make a complete 180, pending answers to my prayers. And, that thanks to our conversation, I now knew the path that I should take; that I am apt for it, or could be with hard work, and that I simply needed to "Go get it."
I apologized for not being able to go into full detail yet about what "it" was, but promised that one day he would see.
Sometimes it is just not the moment to say things, though there is nothing to hide. There are some things that we must keep between God and ourself. At least until the right moment comes, if it does. But even without all the details, a person and or a moment can completely change our lives for the better.
With a voice of relief the brother said to me, "I just knew it was the Spirit strongly telling me to share those things with you that I simply couldn't not say them. I want to end our conversation by making one last point. I realize it will not be easy to 'Go Get'... whatever it is, but make sure you have the strength to get back up when you fall and scrape your knees on your way there. You will need to keep fighting. Keep fighting!" So he looked me in eyes one last time, and this time without words said, "If you keep fighting, I KNOW you will accomplish it!" It was one of those inexplicable moments when two people understand each other without words. So all I could reply was, "Brother, you have told me EVERYTHING I needed to hear. Thank you." We shook hands and gave each other a hug of appreciation and gratitude, and both went our way.
Going back to my experience today when I was allowed a brief insight on my departure from the previous life---after feeling the sadness I also realized that I was sent away but equipped with all I need--especially when I listen--to ACCOMPLISH my purpose and potential. AND I WILL! We are given these types of spiritual, impacting insights not to just have something to talk about, but to find the direction and drive to accomplish what we will. And I will not waste the blessing.
I will "Go get it!" I could hear the words again as God must have said them so sincerely to me some 25 years ago, "I got you. For better or worse, I got you." There was really nothing to be scared of or to fear but myself. None of us have anything to fear but ourselves. And the reason we often don't know what our purpose and potential is, or accomplish it, is because we fear success, not failure. I would like to end with some wise words from Marianne Williamson:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
As I was showering today, I was listening to the song "I Got You," by Leona Lewis, and I was paying close attention to the lyrics. I begun seeing some parallels in the relationship described in the song to that of mine with God. Suddenly, the lyrics made me imagine, or remember if you will, the moment of my departure from the pre-Earth life. These were the lyrics, which I processed in the form of a conversation between God and me, and they are in the order my mind processed them:
God: "Go ahead and say goodbye."
Me: "Go ahead and make me cry."
God: "For better or worse, I got you."
As I was reliving this experience in my mind, for a brief moment, despite the promise from God that He would help in all circumstances, I couldn't help but feel the sadness of that day. I could feel the emptiness it provided me to think that I would not be able to literally see God anymore (during life on Earth,) that we couldn't hug, and just be in His literal presence. So as I thought about that, my teenage years here on Earth and my recent month flashed before my eyes also.
I was introduced to the gospel of Jesus Christ at the age of 17. Missionaries taught me that we are created in Gods image and that we are here on Earth to become more like Him, that we are to become fully developed creations, and that one day we will return to live with Him as such. I was, as I still am, so thankful that they taught me what my spiritual potential and purpose is, and how to reach it. But the word "fully" stuck in my mind and it has not left over the years.
In my opinion, a full progress is not limited to that of our spirit. It means we are to meet our purpose and potential intellectually, socially and physically. Consequently, I realize that I was not born to be mediocre in any sense. None of us are. So, being that I was already put on the right path to strive to meet my spiritual potential, it has since been my duty and my desire to figure out how, and in what mean I will meet my measure in all the other areas.
One morning, like many, many before it, as I opened my eyes from my sleep I immediately asked in ponder and in prayer, "Should I really go for what I truly have a passion for?" I really wanted the answer to be yes--after all, it was my passion in life; and it seemed like the perfect area to meet my potential in all senses. Anyway, I can't say I expected an answer that very moment. I mean, I was getting used to the awkward silence from all the previous times I had asked. But this time the outcome was different. I heard a very clear, determined voice within me say, "Go get it!"
A part of me was so relieved and excited to finally have an answer, but the other was doubtful. I had received the answer in such an unexpected, ironically abrupt way, that I didn't quite know what to do with it. So confused about my experience, over the next few days I asked for an answer to my answer. In retrospect, I realize how foolish I was to do so, but due to my lack of experience with such clear, literal answers to prayer, it was the only way I could react. Anyway, I continued asking as the days passed, and Sunday came. That Sunday will forever be known as the one unlike any others.
As I got ready for church, I was a bit nervous. My branch president had told me a member of our Stake Presidency would meet with me about the possibility of receiving a church calling, so I wanted to make the best of it. I walked to church, and once there I had to wait all three hours to speak with him. When we finally met, we briefly discussed our names--his I have yet to remember since I am horrible with names--and where we are from, but then he abruptly interrupted our conversation. "Brother Márquez, I HAVE to share a story with you about my mission that occurred nearly 40 years ago. It's about a time when I heard a voice within." Whoa! I knew right then and there that I needed to play very close attention, as this was the answer to the answer that I was seeking.
He said that he and his companion were both riding their bikes slowly down a street in Bolivia, when suddenly he heard a voice within tell him, "In this particular spot, there will one day be a temple." Shocked at what he had heard, he stopped his bike and took a moment to make sense of it. Thinking his companion might of gotten ahead of him, he turned up to call him, but then realized the companion had also stopped at just a few steps of distanced, and that he looked just as stunned. The brother talking to me said he asked his companion what was going on, to which the companion replied, "I just heard a voice within me tell me that there will one day be a temple in this particular spot." So the brother speaking to me told his companion then that they both had heard the same voice say the same thing. And then the stake representative looked me in the eyes and said, "Twenty years later, Brother Márquez, Bolivia received it's first temple in 'THAT particular spot.'" He continued looking me in the eyes and said, "NEVER doubt the voice within, brother Márquez."
To say that my spirit and entire being was shook is to say the least. I was moved to tears and could not get a hold of myself. The Spirit was telling me in another, yet similar literal voice to "Go get it!" It was as if I heard the voice again and again say with a resounding voice, "Go get it!" The Spirit's style of conviction had never been so clear to me. It took me hearing it over and over to realize that it has the same conviction every time it speaks, even the first time. But I was willing to full heartedly follow it from then on--and from the first time it speaks to me. The seeds of clarity, determination, and yes, conviction, were planted in me, and I could immediately feel them starting to grow. I also realized that the reason I wanted an 'answer about the answer' was because I feared the challenges and difficulties of chasing my dreams and accomplishing my potential.
The brother then told me, "Brother Márquez, I feel like I need to tell you another brief story--I'm sorry, I'm just feeling I need to tell you." So he went on to tell me about a time in his life when he wanted to be a truck insurance salesman, but didn't have the financial means to do so. He said he decided to wait it out and just get another job that was more financially secure and stable. But, he soon had a dream in which he saw a man with specific clothes and facial characteristics. Days after, he went to an interview for a truck salesman position, and the interviewer was wearing the same clothes and had the same facial characteristics. Well, the interview went really well. He told me, "As I was driving home from the interview, I heard the Spirit tell me, 'The hand of the Lord is extended, He will provide."' The brother then looked at me in the eyes again, just as sincerely, and said, "Brother Márquez, the hand of the Lord is extended, He will provide.'" I... was... floored!
I am memorized by God's tender mercy for me. He used a kind, spiritually receptive brother to bless me with much needed clarity. I could not contain the tears again because I could clearly feel this brother's and God's love for me. The brother became a bit worried about my tears and kindly asked, "Can I do anything for you, Brother Márquez? Are you doing okay?" I replied, "I have never been better." I briefly explained to this brother that I had been contemplating a few decisions about my life that would require it to make a complete 180, pending answers to my prayers. And, that thanks to our conversation, I now knew the path that I should take; that I am apt for it, or could be with hard work, and that I simply needed to "Go get it."
I apologized for not being able to go into full detail yet about what "it" was, but promised that one day he would see.
Sometimes it is just not the moment to say things, though there is nothing to hide. There are some things that we must keep between God and ourself. At least until the right moment comes, if it does. But even without all the details, a person and or a moment can completely change our lives for the better.
With a voice of relief the brother said to me, "I just knew it was the Spirit strongly telling me to share those things with you that I simply couldn't not say them. I want to end our conversation by making one last point. I realize it will not be easy to 'Go Get'... whatever it is, but make sure you have the strength to get back up when you fall and scrape your knees on your way there. You will need to keep fighting. Keep fighting!" So he looked me in eyes one last time, and this time without words said, "If you keep fighting, I KNOW you will accomplish it!" It was one of those inexplicable moments when two people understand each other without words. So all I could reply was, "Brother, you have told me EVERYTHING I needed to hear. Thank you." We shook hands and gave each other a hug of appreciation and gratitude, and both went our way.
Going back to my experience today when I was allowed a brief insight on my departure from the previous life---after feeling the sadness I also realized that I was sent away but equipped with all I need--especially when I listen--to ACCOMPLISH my purpose and potential. AND I WILL! We are given these types of spiritual, impacting insights not to just have something to talk about, but to find the direction and drive to accomplish what we will. And I will not waste the blessing.
I will "Go get it!" I could hear the words again as God must have said them so sincerely to me some 25 years ago, "I got you. For better or worse, I got you." There was really nothing to be scared of or to fear but myself. None of us have anything to fear but ourselves. And the reason we often don't know what our purpose and potential is, or accomplish it, is because we fear success, not failure. I would like to end with some wise words from Marianne Williamson:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
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