When Rosa Parks stood up for what she believed in, it was not just for equality, it was for human dignity. When I decided to stop being Mormon, it was not just about Gay Rights, it too was about human dignity. I had to abandon my dream of being straight to embrace my inner reality. For nine years I avoided that reality to live a lie that slowly killed me. Until one day an extremely attractive married man--who to this day is an active Mormon--started flirting with me. I'm in my mid 20's and he's in his mid 30's. After I got over the initial feeling of attraction, I had enough courage to tell myself, "Wait, if I don't embrace my reality with dignity, I will be this man when I'm in MY 30's, living a double life, devaluing the worth of a woman, and teaching children that it's okay to lie. Ultimately a selfish, unhappy man." I had to stand up for my dignity.
Over the next few months I had some of the most emotionally painful moments of my life! As hard as I tried, I couldn't answer the question, "WHY did I allow myself to be put through such a damaging lie?" And the damage caused was not as damaging as the realization that I was the one who chose to be Mormon and effectively hide who I've always known myself to be. But, finally I found my response, "Because no one told me, 'I know you're in pain, but don't worry, you will be fine." That's all it would have taken. The world is so void of people who reach out. Not necessarily because we don't want to, but because we don't know how. My world as a 16 year old teenage boy was void of anyone who had apt knowledge of what homosexuality was and how to deal with it. And the two people who came to what I then called "My rescue," taught me that practicing homosexuals were not approved of by God. If we don't stand for those around us living in pain and anguish, someone else will.
What I have learned in these last few months since I left the Church is that I am not the only teenager scared to admit he's gay, that that married gay man in church is not the only man who flirts with other men behind his wife's back. But I have also learned a devastating truth, that there are men and women, boys and girls out there willing to commit suicide because their feelings are not approved of by the masses. Because I've been lucky to live and realize how great and beautiful life--even my own--can be, I want my life to have meaning from now on.
As Rosa Parks teaches us, sometimes standing up for what matters is better done sitting. There are far too many children and adults who need someone to sit with them and let them know, "You are understood, you matter, and you deserve what every other human being deserves, to live a happy life with dignity." I want to be that someone. May you be too.
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